Standards, Snobbery, and a Bitch-fest.

It’s good to have standards when eyeing up our potential mates. It tells us what we want and what we are looking for, and helps us narrow down a great sea of potentials into only a few handfuls of possibilities. Standards outline our expectations of who we want to spend the rest of our lives with (as well as who we’ll be going home with that night). But is there a point when our standards are so high set that we’re expecting the impossible? Are we ignoring very promising potentials based on the standards that we set and snap judgments that we make from on a 2 second conversation? Do our standards block the formation of any emotional attachments and feelings because we’re over thinking of what we want and what we deserve? There is there a fine line between our standards and what we feel we are entitled to in looking for a potential mate. If we cross that imaginary line, we may have left the land of hopeless romantic and entered a land of pretentious snobbery. Who could ever love a snob?

I am not saying that we should drop all standards and start chasing after anyone with a pulse. But perhaps we should have a little wiggle room with regards to our own expectations. Let's say for example we meet a caring, respectful guy with a great sense of humour, awesome job (and $), and an 8 on the hottness scale. What if we also say that this guy meets almost all of our standards but with one exception- our standards require that the guy must be a 9 on the hotness scale. We would have passed up a perfectly decent guy because we made our standards to include a 9 rather than an 8. Moreover, we would have never been able to form a potential bond or that "it" factor that would have happened if we gave that guy (who's an 8!) an oppurtunity. That potential bond may have ended up outweighing the fact that the guy is only an 8. Who knows, we may have already passed up the perfect and "destined" guy because we wanted "very. very funny" and all we could find were "very funny."

If we have our own sometimes unreasonable standards, then chances are that the men out there would also have their own standards. This further adds complications to the already complex web of the dating scene. What if we meet the perfect guy who matches our own standards, but we in fact do not match his own standards. How would that make us feel? Not too hot, huh? Wouldn't you want the guy to give us a chance? Wouldn't you think he was nuts to pass over us because we're a 9 and he wanted a 10?

Yes, there is a fine line between standards and snobbery. Are we being snobs for knowing what we want? No. Are we being snobs by refusing to consider any potentials because he doesn't fit that perfect mold? Yes, actually you're being a stupid snob. The main issue is that we're over thinking of what we want and what we deserve. We need time to let emotions and bonds to form, but these attachments can't form if you're mind is telling you that he doesn't meet our criteria.

So what's the BIG picture of all of this?
(1) Have standards but leave wiggle room.
(2) Let your guard down for a bit, don't overthink what you want....you may find that our standards that we set may be something that we do not even cherish at all.

Happy Hunting,

James